January 2010 Newsletter
by Alison Triffett - Personal Stylist

You have reached this page in one of two ways - you have either clicked on the link from my January Newsletter because you wanted to know more about my "bad habits" OR you're visiting to read some of my previous newsletters. Either way, "welcome!" and I hope you enjoy my thoughts on Style in either the newlsetter below or one the many others I've penned over the years. Now,  make yourself a cuppa, sit back, and enjoy! And if you haven't already subscribed to be on my mailing list, now is your time! Click here - or visit my Forum and post me your thoughts/questions!

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January 2010 Newsletter
by Alison Triffett - Personal Stylist

New Year Resolutions - Just Another Seasonal Trend We All Feel Compelled to Follow?

Each January I make another resolution only to find that "life is what happens while we're busy making other plans!" and by February I'm already too tired or too busy to care what I committed to way back on the 31st December! Well maybe, just maybe, twenty-ten will be different? You see, this year, I'm making ONE resolution that I am certain I will keep! Quite simply, I am not going make one!

While I know there are (many) improvements I can make in my life, I've decided that if I resolve yet again - often over a glass of bubbly on the eve of another new year - to embark on a project which up until now I've either failed at or never even started, then there is a strong chance I will be setting myself up for failure...yet again.

Let's use that pesky little word "diet" as an example. To go ON one means that at some point you will surely come OFF it. To come OFF it means you will not only feel like you've failed, but (newsflash!) the sad truth is (if you haven't already read the research) you will not only put the lost weight back ON you will also find a little extra is added because of the changes dieting (or deprivation) made to your metabolism. By the 1st Feb many dieters find they've fallen back into old habits & to console themselves, they return to the one sure-thing they always could rely on - the comfort & familiarity of their old habits! And so the cycle continues...

While I love cold turkey, going cold-turkey is another story!

To completely deny ourselves the things we enjoy - to cease doing something we've done oh-so well for oh-so-long - means we will probably just end up feeling deprived. We will fix that feeling by then rewarding ourselves for that deprivation with the very thing we were trying to give up. It's unlikely we will be able to stick with a deprivation plan forever, just like no one can really go ON a diet for life. At some point, you will have to come OFF it. By saying "I'm being good" and not eating/drinking implies that if we then DO indulge, even just a little, we are then "being bad". What does that do for your self-esteem in the long term? It creates a roller-coaster ride of emotions and reduced self-esteem - neither of which is good for anyone!

"If you keep thinking what you're thinking, you will keep doing what you're doing, and you will keep getting what you're getting"

What we all CAN do is shift our thinking & take baby steps towards changing old habits - but only if we ourselves really want to change! Making changes in stages & challenging our thought-processes makes things a little easier for us to stick with in the LONGER-TERM - well beyond 2010! Changes that actually have some chance of eventually, over time, becoming a new habit - just like the old bad ones once did!

Believe it or not, none of our bad habits got there overnight. We just chipped away at them often enough, over a long enough period, for them to stick! And oooh yeah! Hard & fast they stick until they became almost a way of life. Here's a real-life example of a habit that has stuck with me. Is it good, is it bad? You be the judge...read on...

OK! I admit it! I'm a neat-freak. I like a neat ME and a neat home. I only seem to be able to rest once I've completed my daily chores. I like to refer to it as "styling" not only myself but also my surroundings! I sweep floors, make the bed, wash breakky dishes, put things where they belong - tidy, tidy, tidy. Chores completed, then, and only then, may I allow myself to put my feet up (while gazing lovingly at my tidy surroundings, I might add! eeek! THAT part you can slap me for!) So WHY do I do this? Why don't I just rest when my little body is all too often screaming at me to "slow down"? What's the payoff for me? Why do I keep up that pace when I'm supposed to be slowing down? Who really cares if my house is untidy or my hair/makeup less than perfect? Clearly there are other more fun things to do, right? Like shopping!? (hahaha...kidding!) Why don't I just stop being so organised when it's the one thing that many (including my husband) pay out on me for because they know I am working too hard...telling me to "Just relax! Leave it - do it later!"?

Well you wanna know why? Because it works for me! You see, for me, keeping on top of an already tidy house is easy! Getting rid of "stuff" (culling, as I call it in my Wardrobe Workouts) makes my life simple! By doing a little each day I don't have to spend hours on end sifting through chaos. I keep on top of it every day, a little at a time, because it's EASY for me to work this way. My hair/makeup routine is so familiar and ingrained that it's as natural for me to do each morning as brushing my teeth! It's not an effort - it's become a habit - a learned behaviour - and one, believe it or not, that I can almost say I even enjoy! For me to resolve to change - to just "let it go" because others think that being this way is a problem - would simply not work! Just like diets don't work in the long term either!

Some of you who operate differently may think I am weird. Others who share my love of organisation may relate to me. The key point here is that we're all very different & we all do what works for us. A New Year shouldn't bring more judgement or feelings of inadequacy or failure. The key point to be aware of though, is that we may need to change some parts of our life if what we're used to doing stops working for us. If it impacts negatively on us, our health or our relatiohships then perhaps we may need to reassess some old habits? But remember - it will only work in the long-term if it's your decision - if you decide you're really not happy with the way things are working for you - and not just because it's the trendy time of year to make that decision!

Just like going on a diet fails for most, for me to decide that I'm going to relax & leave all my housework 'till Saturday will also NOT work for me. I don't have the physical stamina to go hard at it once a week. But I CAN and DO manage (quite well, I might add!) to keep on top of things by chipping away at my little chores, daily. That's how I operate and it works for ME. To change would be setting myself an unrealistic goal because this has become such a habit for me - such a way of life - a "system" that has served me well over the years and (for now, while I can still can) continues to work well for me. There are still payoffs: I do get a kick out of a tidy house; I do like order; I do like being organised. And on a practical level, most importantly, I'd rather chip away a little at a time instead of giving up a WHOLE DAY or more slogging it out, trying to get on top of the chaos! That's ME. That's how I like to work.

BUT, that said, even though this organisation-method works for me in that area of my life, there are some things I may need to change. I need to learn how to make my work time work better for me - so I can be more present for myself, my family & my friends. I need to work SMARTER not HARDER so I can allow myself some guilt-free down-time! If any of you have any tips on that, can you send them through to me!? Now!?

You see, when it comes to my work-life I struggle with one thing: Hint...two letters, begins with 'N', ends with 'O'. I am a yes-girl, and often to the detriment of my own health & sanity. I absolutely hate to let people down. I want to help people so much that I often find myself stressed & overcommitted. The result? A cranky-pants wife & mum & friend who is sometimes too busy to make time for the special people who give her joy & help to keep her sane! Put simply - if I don't plan to make a change I will risk burn-out. And I have decided that I am way too good at what I do (helping people look & feel good/confident about themselves/their style) to let that happen! I have way too many people I still want to reach out to & much too much work to do yet! So this year I am going to be a little kinder to myself & I'm going to learn to work a little SMARTER!

Never fear! Style Counsel isn't going anywhere, but what I am going to try to do is allocate some time in between my client commitments to do the one thing that I've long been promising you all - the one thing that will bring my Style philosophy to many more people without killing me in the process...

2010 is going to be my year for all things literary...literally! I am going to allow myself some down-time to work on my book! Yes! You heard it here first! Many of my clients already know I've been promising that to both them & myself for years - but the truth is I've been too busy to actually allow myself time to work on it! So 2010 is going to be the year I will "chip away" at something else - because clearly, that's how I work best, right? Maybe I actually will learn to replace some of the time I spend on housework, answering emails, maintaining my website & clients' wardrobes if I replace some of those "learned behaviours" with time spent working on my book? Now there's some food for thought - without a diet in sight! Hmmm....perhaps my "no resolution" is actually one after all?  Just watch this space! ...

HAPPY NEW HABITS...

Guilty as charged, Big Al xxx

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Newsletter September 2006		Newsletter October 2006		Newsletter November 2006
Newsletter December 2006		Newsletter January 2007-A		Newsletter January 2007-B
Newsletter April 2007		Newsletter May 2007-A		Newsletter May 2007-B
Newsletter June2007		Newsletter August 2007		Newsletter October 2007
Newsletter December 2007		Newsletter March 2008		Newsletter June 2008
Newsletter August 2008		Newsletter December 2008		Newsletter February 2009-A
Newsletter February 2009-B		Newsletter 2009